Whole
by LionessCersei
Summary: Cersei Lannister's thoughts as the Red Keep crumbles around her


** I cried while writing this. My poor twins ;(**

As she ran from down the stairs of the red keep watching it crumble around her, Cersei Lannister had never felt more alone in all her life.

Her allies were all dead. From her window, she had witnessed both Lannister soldiers and Golden company soldiers alike dying. The fools had betrayed her anyway, deciding to ring the surrender bell without her permission. Little good that had done them.

Euron Greyjoy's fleet was destroyed as well. The scorpions, all destroyed. There was no hope, not any longer. Her city had fallen, everything aflame, and the red keep was sure to be next. It was already crumbling around her. Her last loyal ally, and the only friend she had left in the world, Qyburn, had just died in front of her very eyes. Killed by the monster he had created. Even the forever loyal Ser Gregor, had chosen to leave her in favor of taking out his little brother.

Alone with no one and nothing left, she broke down. Joffrey, Myrcella, even Tommen, a million regrets swirled through her mind of things she could have done differently. Ways she could have saved them. A million regrets also circled her thoughts about everything she could have done differently to save the precious child inside her. She should have surrendered long ago.

No, she corrected herself, the Dragon Queen was completely mad. She and her child would have surely roasted in dragonfire even if she had surrendered. What she should have done was gotten on a boat, and fled with Jaime all those months ago.

'With Jaime?' She was surprised to find herself thinking such thoughts. He was a traitor. He had betrayed her. Chosen the people over her. Loved them more than her. The realization had been like a dagger in her heart. Had all his words about them being the only two people in the world who mattered been a lie?

She remembered the morning after he left, waking up in a pool of blood. Discovering she had lost her baby. Their baby. It had completely destroyed her, and she blamed Jaime in that moment. Hated him as much as she had ever loved him. So much so that she had wanted him dead. She wasted no time in acting on her hatred. Less than an hour after finding out about her loss, she had ordered Qyburn to go tell Bronn to find both him and Tyrion and kill them both in exchange for Riverrun.

Had Bronn succeeded? Cersei felt a surge of hope. She was surely going to die, and she didn't know if there was anything after...there probably wasn't, but if there was, perhaps she would see her Jaime again. Perhaps if there was an after, they would be together again. She didn't know why she wanted it, but she did. She loved him. She always had and perhaps always would.

She'd told Jaime he was the stupidest Lannister, but in truth, she knew now she was. Why else would she not have fled with Jaime all those months ago? She should have known there was no hope. Instead, she'd banked on the Mad Kings daughter not wanting to destroy innocents in her quest for the throne. More importantly, how stupid she must be to still long for Jaime after how he had abandoned her?

And then, she saw a sight she never expected to. Jaime! Her sweet Jaime. He had come back to her, after all. They hugged and there was no need for words. In his arms, she felt whole again. She felt loved.

Then she noticed he was hurt. Bleeding. He told her it didn't matter, but it did matter. It mattered to her.

She didn't want him to die, they had a child to live for. She had lost a baby, but there was another. Twins. Just like her and Jaime. She had lost one, but the other was still in her womb. Qyburn had told her so, the day after she had lost the baby, that there was another. She hadn't had her moonblood since then, so it must be true. The child must be small, maybe even a dwarf, hence why she wasn't showing, but Cersei wanted it to live. Needed it to live. She vowed she would love the child no matter what.

Then, before they could talk more, Jaime was leading her away. To where she did not know. Presumably safety, but was there even anywhere safe?

Jaime must have a plan. He would save her, he always had saved her. She had called him the stupidest Lannister, but he wasn't. He never had been. That had been her for not fleeing with him the moment that dragon Queen and her armies invaded Westeros.

All the times she had been so cruel to him came back to haunt her. How cold she was when he had come back to her, not whole. How she had made him doubt her love for him. How quick she had always been to insult him. He had been cruel too though. How he took her without her consent next to their dead sons corpse all those years ago. And he had hurt her in other ways too. Freeing Tyrion all those years ago, which no doubt was part of the reason they were in this situation now. And, of course, his betrayal to help the north. She had hurt him, and he had hurt her, but somehow they both still loved each other and found a way back to each other.

If they made it out of here. If they made it to someplace across the sea where they could start over, she would be good to him and she was sure he would be good to her. Things would be different. Better between them. They would go to Pentos, or perhaps Braavos, or someplace else, and live as husband and wife with the child she was carrying. Maybe they would even have another child. She would be the best wife ever, and Jaime, her sweet Jaime, would never again have reason to doubt her love for him.

Then, she saw it. They were trapped. The rubble had caved in, making an escape likely impossible. Still, she cried out to Jaime that she wanted her baby to live. That she didn't want to die. Not like this. And Jaime, her sweet Jaime, he tried to find a way out, but the rubble, it was too much, they were trapped with no way out.

So he took her in his arms, forcing her to look in his face. She could see the love there. Then he told her that nothing else mattered. Only them. They'd never been ones to use the words "I love you." "Nothing else matters, only us." and variations of that phrase had always been the words they'd used. It meant the same, but so much more to them.

Cersei had so much she wanted to say back. Her tears made it hard to speak and her hysteria made it harder to bring these thoughts to speech. So she just continued to embrace Jaime.

As they held each other close and the rubble came down around, and eventually on top of them, Cersei Lannister had never felt more whole in all her life.

**Was thinking of doing either one with Jaime's POV, or more likely a continuation where they survive, if any are interested.**


End file.
